In the past two years, I have gotten more and more involved in skip- tracing debtors…working various sources to locate people with the intent of repossessing their cars. Fewer and fewer cars are being found at the last-known address provided by the creditor, and more and more repossession accounts are looking like CSI investigations. Its been kind of weird.
I have noticed something extremely interesting, and maybe a bit scary.
Invariably when I discovered that someone had filed bankruptcy, within a few months either prior to that filing, or shortly thereafter, the subject would have filed for divorce. I suspected there were societal and perhaps spiritual reasons for this connection.
The repossession-related implication of this is that we have to double the number of addresses we’re looking for the car; we don’t know who has it, the soon-to-be-ex-wife or the soon-to-be-ex-husband. I have to admit, that on that point I often resort to “gender profiling”. If we’re talking about a Toyota Sienna van, I’ll look for the wife; if it’s a Ford F550 with a dump bed, I’ll look for the husband. Sorry, but this lack of political correctness saves us a lot of time and fuel.
So, what is the connection between concurrently filing for bankruptcy and filing for divorce?
This morning, I asked my good friend and skiptracing expert Alex Price of Masterfiles about this. He said “I am finding that in the last 18-24 months, the wear and tear of financial woes are causing more and more divorces. It goes back to caveman days…if you can’t provide a kill, you’re less of a man”. He adds “marriage is the unforeseen victim of the failing economy. I teach people in my skiptracing classes to look for a bankruptcy right off the bat, since that might be a sign of a divorce”. And thus the need to look to both spouses at different addresses as potentially being in possession of the car.
I was floored when I heard that…that my suspicions about this connection had already become part of Skiptracing 101. Bankruptcy and divorce go hand in hand.
I went online, and saw hundreds of websites that verified this….attorney websites that specialize in either divorce or bankruptcies or both, that verify the two are intertwined. Some firms advocate doing both at the same time.
Why is this happening?
Although marriage counselors will tell you that financial problems are one of the leading causes for divorce, that is really only shorthand for deeper issues. Yes, couples do fight over expenditures. It surfaces the differences between “savers” and “spenders”, surfaces problems with “his money/her money” marriages, and produces power struggles between bigger/smaller breadwinners in the marriage. It brings to light failed financial risks that one of the spouses did not approve of. But the real fight is in the hearts and minds of the individuals in the marriage.
Financial disaster feeds insecurities in the marriage.
“I’m not smart/educated/positioned enough to pull this off”
“It’s going to be humiliating losing the house”
“I’m not the man (or woman) I thought I was. This is humiliating”
“This guy’s not going to be able support me and the kids after all”
And deep-seated insecurity draws people into the “escape” of extra-marital affairs, substance abuse, gambling…all roads which end in the cul-de-sac of divorce. It not just the fighting about the money that damages marriages…it’s the putting the knife into the confidence of the marriage partners, causing them to act our in all sorts of self-destructive (and marriage-killing) ways.
There is an additional spiritual component. Regardless what some media might report, America is still a highly “religious” nation. Gallup Poll recently reported that 9 out of 10 Americans believe in God, and that over 43% of Americans attend church on a regular basis*.
One of the prevailing religious beliefs in Protestant camps (think “700 Club”) is the so-called “prosperity gospel” or a variant of it…..it promotes the idea that God will reward the faithful in this world with cars and boats and whatever to show off how much He loves his children.
So went an adherent of this “Prosperity Gospel” sees Falcon’s repossession agents drive off with his Mercedes, or she sees the foreclosure notice posted on her home’s front door, he or she starts to lose a grip on a faith that also historically provided safety nets around their marriage. Its like REM said…they are “Losing (Their) Religion”. And losing their marriage in the process.
As a repossession agency owner, a private investigator, and a skiptracer, I have to admit I am finally coming up to speed on the complexities surrounding the rising occurances of simultaneous bankruptcy and divorce filings, and thinking through both the reasons and the implications.
*this is not an anti-religious rant. Author is one of these 43%.